JOHN FOWLES

The Collector - fragments
 

I know why he likes the photographing business. He thinks it makes me think he's artistic. And of course he hasn't a clue. I mean he gets me in focus, and that's all. No imagination.
It's weird. Uncanny. But there is a sort of relationship between us. I make fun of him, I attack him all the time, but he senses when I'm "soft." When he can dig back and not make me angry. So we slip into teasing states that are almost friendly. It's partly because I'm so lonely, it's partly deliberate (I want to make him relax, both for his own good and so that one day he may make a mistake), so it's part weakness, and part cunning, and part charity. But there's a mysterious fourth part I can't define. It can't be friendship, I loathe him.
 

Catalina Stoicescu

John Fowles
 

Stiu de ce ii place treaba cu fotografiatul. Crede ca ma face sa gandesc despre el ca-i place arta. Si bineinteles, habar nu are ce face. Adica doar ma focalizaeaza si atat. Nu are pic de imaginatie.
E bizar. Nefiresc. Insa intre noi doi s-a creat o anumita legatura. Rad pe seama lui, il atac tot timpul, si cu toate astea el simte atunci cand sunt mai “moale”, atunci cand poate sa dea inapoi si sa nu ma enerveze. Astfel, ajungem in situatii in care ne tachinam si care aproape ca sunt prietenoase. In parte acest lucru se datoreaza faptului ca ma simt atat de singura, pe jumatate o fac intentionat (vreau sa il fac sa fie degajat, atat pentru binele lui, cat si pentru ca poate intr-o zi va face o greseala), asadar, o parte o fac din slabiciune, o parte din viclenie si o parte din mila. Dar exista si o a patra parte, mai ascunsa, ce o nu pot defini. Nu poate fi vorba de prietenie, doar il dispretuiesc.